Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
