I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
