Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize