can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
