in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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