I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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