I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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