omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
