im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Two words: nipple clamps
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