me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
