I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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