Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
