He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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