she woke up with a sticky ear
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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