I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
