so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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