no, he came in my armpit
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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