Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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