I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize