We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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