Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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