At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
