Tell her she can't have a vagina
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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