if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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