so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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