Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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