i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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