i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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