Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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