dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize