yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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