You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize