i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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