i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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