I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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