Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
