4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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