Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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