Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
