you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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