we're blogging at a bar
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
