I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
