Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
