last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
