did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
