I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
