It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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