I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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