He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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