I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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