At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
