I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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