He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
