It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
