Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize