its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
