She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
