? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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