you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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