I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
