wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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