Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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