drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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