turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
