thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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