I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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