I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
