I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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