So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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