My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
