Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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