She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
