dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
