I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
