Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
