After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
