I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
