Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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