please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
